Andrew O'Neill

It’s time for the very first AEOSK of 2012, and it all happens on Sunday Jan 29, headlined by none other than Mr Andrew O’Neill.

Andrew is a self-described “stand-up comedian, a metalhead, an amateur occultist and a musician”. He is ace and very funny indeed. Find out more about him at the aptly addressed www.andrewoneill.co.uk.

Also on the bill is Penny Dreadful and co-architect of the magnificent Alternative Comedy Memorial Society, Thom Tuck; musical comedian and nerd Helen Arney; beanpole jokesmeister Luke Benson; suburban surrealist superstar Tim Shishodia; and Scottish gagster and Twitter titan Alan Machnik.

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UPDATE: Alan Machnik has had to cancel his appearance due to health-related travel issues. But stepping in is the amazing Sam Fletcher. He is lovely and smart and silly and great.

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As usual, the whole shindig is hosted by me, H Anthony Hildebrand, with tunes from DJ Jamie ‘Citizen Smith’ Smith, and the legendary audience drawing competition, which offers amazing prizes. Amazing.

It all takes place at The Black Heart in Camden, just moments from Camden Town tube. The pub, which offers pizzas and booze and stuff, has an exact address, which is this: 2-3 Greenland Place, NW1 0AP.

Doors open at 6.30pm, and the entire thing is done by around 9.30pm, allowing the catching of public transport or the desparate quaffing of alcoholic beverages in an effort to stave off thoughts of the impending working week.

Tickets cost £7, and you can get ‘em here: http://www.wegottickets.com/event/146791

Come along. It will be fun.

You may or may not know or care that I was (and still technically am) 50% of music project Junior Ministers. The other (musically talented) half, Jim, is now living in Brazil, where he has a new project, called Babaca Manchild. Here’s a couple of tracks.

Over a period of some months, we recorded an album, largely at Jim’s flat, called Adventure Playground, in the mid-fi style. It was rough and ready, and my vocal contributions and recording technique were dubious, to say the least. Jim, who produced everything on the album, did his best with what I gave him.

I was responsible for the rudimentary beats, squelchy electronic squiggles, spoken word vocals, and a small amount of terrible backing singing. Basically the bits that require no musical skill or ear. Jim did all the decent singing, guitar, and a chunk of other bits and pieces, as well as production. We were assisted by Jon Parish, who played bass on several songs, and Max Ransome, who added a bit of guitar.

It’s not perfect, by any stretch, but there’s some good stuff on there. I thought I might post a few songs over the next few days. Someone might be interested – who knows?

Oh, and you can still buy the album, from a variety of places, like iTunes. Other online options are available on the Junior Ministers site. Or if you see me somewhere, I’ve got a box of CDs in my flat.

This song, You’re So Fascinating, was the last track on the album. (We decided that in this age of iPods and shuffles and whatnot that the tracklisting would be alphabetical.)

It’s quite poppy, for us, and somewhat sarcastic in tone. I hope you enjoy/tolerate it.

The first installment of AEOSK at its new home, The Black Heart in Camden, was a proper success. All the acts were ace – that’s Tony Law, Lucy Porter, Matt Highton, Carly Smallman, James W Smith and Jack De’Ath – and the room was lovely and full of excellent and enthusiastic audience folks.

I was ably assisted, as always, by Hannah on the door, Bernie on the tech, and DJ Jamie ‘Citizen Smith’ Smith. Jamie has put together a playlist of the tunes he aired on the night. Modern, right? You should also check out his mixes here: http://citizensmith.podomatic.com/

Black Heart (Spotify playlist)

Washed Out x Toro y Moi/Brubek
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Do9W5X_WBSA)

Thom Yorke, Burial & Four Tet/Ego
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91tcYBQBzL4&feature=related)

AEOSK XIII – Dec 4

Jigsaw - Tom Craine, Nat Luurtsema, Dan Antopolski

The next AEOSK takes place on Sunday December 4. Headlining are sketch mongers Jigsaw. Here’s some blurbage:

Jigsaw is a sketch comedy trio made up of Dan Antopolski, Nat Luurtesma, and Tom Craine. They got rave reviews at Edinburgh and everything. Even the bleedin’ Guardian said: “Full-pelt sketch comedy from performers who radiate enjoyment and ease with a crowd… Makes The Fast Show look languid.” And what’s more, they are as funny as heck.

Joining Jigsaw at AEOSK are the delightful and insightful Tiernan Douieb; the amazing deadpan surreal conceptual idiocy of Ben Target; the cheekily inventive Tom Webb; the macaron adoring humourphile Chris Coltrane; and, of course, your host H Anthony Hildebrand, who is writing this at the time of writing.

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BREAKING NEWS: Sadly Ben Target has had to cancel his appearance at this AEOSK. He’ll join us instead in April.

But stepping into the breach is the amazing BRIDGET CHRISTIE. So that is freakin’ excellent.

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Oh, and John-Luke Roberts is likely to drop by to try out some brand spanking new material.

Head here to get tickets for that: http://www.wegottickets.com/event/140651

Following that extravaganza, the first 2012 edition is on January 29, when we’ll be joined by Andrew O’Neill, Helen Arney, Tim Shishodia, Alan Machnik and more.

And then on April 1 AEOSK celebrates its 3rd birthday, with a very special guest headliner and a variety of AEOSK associates.

Tickets for both of those will be available soon, but in the meantime, grab your tickets for Dec 4, and I’ll see you there.

TERMS AND CONDITIONS

The following Terms and Conditions govern your use of this Guide (henceforth referred to as ‘the Guide’, ‘the document’, ‘this fuckin’ thing’, or ‘Dan’). By accepting, reading, viewing, glancing at, having thrust open, or acknowledging the existence of the Guide, you agree to abide by these Terms and Conditions. Penalties for non-adherence to the Terms and Conditions are outlined in Part C (1 and 2) of this fuckin’ thing. In these Terms and Conditions, ‘we’, ‘us’, ‘our’ and ‘AEOSK’ refer to AEOSK Ltd, AEOSK Villas, Balham, London, and should be treated with due deference and respect. Any lack of deference and/or respect will be frowned upon and tutted at with extreme prejudice, and may be blogged about or Tweeted with regard to. These Terms and Conditions do not apply to AEOSK Ltd, its employees, pals, chums or relatives, as-yet undiscovered extraterrestrial overlords, or others identified at AEOSK’s discretion. This is unlikely to mean you, so don’t get your hopes up.

Part A (ay)

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(5)       By accepting these terms and conditions you agree that any and all communications you may participate in, including but not limited to chat sessions, text messages, sign language, gestures, telepathy, essays, ‘SOS’ or ‘HELP’ messages written with sticks in the beach sand of a desert island, articles, documents, emails, graffiti, discussions, thumps on the floor or ceiling of your flat, Morse code, missives, epistles, speeches, jottings, conversations or incitement to racial or religious violence become the property of AEOSK for its unlimited use in perpetuity, and you acknowledge that this is a privilege and a gift bestowed upon you by your betters.

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Part D (dee)

(1)       Make love like no one is watching. Dance like you’re not being paid.

Part E (like it’s 1999)

(1)       By agreeing to these Terms and Conditions you waive any and all rights.

(2)       If you wave at these Terms and Conditions, so what, y’know – what difference does it make?[1]

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(5)       If you liked it, you should have put a ring on it. If you liked putting a ring on it, you should have put another ring on it. And so on. Eventually, if you are enthusiastic enough, you will have built an enormous tower of rings, reaching up to the heavens, visible from space, and vulnerable to high winds. You will probably need to appoint some sort of security team to protect the ring tower from attack or theft, as well as a maintenance team to ensure the tower does not lose its lustre or structural integrity. This will be expensive, but the costs can probably be covered by charging tourists to come and observe the tower, and by offering souvenir t-shirts, caps and postcards depicting the ring tower, although you will also need to have some sort of mechanism in place to ensure your profits are not eroded by those who wish to cash in on your hard work through the sale of counterfeit items of lower quality. This might be achieved through incorporating some sort of certificate of authenticity for genuine ring tower souvenir products, or perhaps even building in a unique hologram or microchip of some description. These are just kind of initial thoughts, though – there are professional consulting firms who can probably advise on these things. Just remember – the whole endeavour started as a bit of fun, an expression of your childlike pleasure and joy, and you should never lose sight of that. Don’t make it something it’s not. Keep true to yourself. It’s the only real truth you can ever know.

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Part F (eff)

(1)       We may revise these terms and conditions from time-to-time without prior notice and for reasons which may appear inexplicable, unwise or insane.  Revised terms and conditions will apply to the use of this fuckin’ thing from the date of thinking about publication of the revised terms and conditions in this Guide.  Please check with Dan regularly to ensure you are familiar with the current version, or suffer the consequences (subject to variation).

(2)       In the event that the use of this Guide provides you with erotic stimulation which results in successful sexual congress and reproduction, the earnings of any and all resulting offspring remain the property of AEOSK in perpetuity.

(3)       AEOSK does not accept liability, whining or namby-pamby behaviour of any description, under any circumstances, or in the eyes of any or all Gods.

(4)       Have fun, pals. 

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1.)  I was coming home from work, and I remember Heart’s ‘All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You’ was on the stereo, and I hit my brakes a fraction late and bumped into the car in front of me.

2.)  I had a bad reaction to some prawns, which is why the accident occurred

3.)  I thought it’d be fun to let the corpse drive!!!!!!!!! No, I was drunk.

4.)  I saw one of those billboards with a woman in a Wonderbra on it, her breasts trussed and presented, beckoning me towards them, to freedom – and I thought, I resent my penis’s slavery to this objectified imagery of womanhood, to an unrealistic standard derived from the basest of pornography, and I crave a new form of desire – a desire of respect, of mutual understanding, of LOVE. And I remember Heart’s ‘All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You’ was on the stereo, and I hit my brakes a fraction late and bumped into the car in front of me.

5.)  For a second I got my own body and the car confused, and I tried to get into myself, and I think that’s when I scratched the paintwork.