Wedding poem by Kate Middleton found

The other day I happened to be in Kensington, London, when I came across a piece of paper on the ground, covered in handwriting. Being the inquisitive, tramp-like type, I picked it up and had a look.

It was a poem. And the title of the poem was ‘A Poem Written On The Occasion Of The Marriage Of Prince William And Kate Middleton’. This is what it looked like.

The poem - found in Kensington

Reading it, it was clear that it was written in the voice of soon-to-be royal princess Kate Middleton. In fact, given its contents, there’s a very good chance it may well have been WRITTEN BY KATE MIDDLETON HERSELF!!

(There’s a chance it might not have been, but it does seem the sort of thing a lovestruck young lady would do, whiling away the time daydreaming about her wedding and becoming a princess etc. So there’s a pretty good chance it is by her.)

The photo above isn’t too clear, so I’ve transcribed the text below. I think it speaks volumes about the woman who may one day be Queen.

 

A Poem Written On The Occasion Of The Marriage Of Prince William And Kate Middleton

 

I’m gonna be a princess bitch

Gonna be a royal motherfuckin’ princess bitch

Gonna roll around town in a pimped out Bentley

Kick back in the castle and watch Dirk Gently

 

I’ll be rich motherfuckers tho I’m already rich

Gonna take some public money and spend it on some shit

Get a gold-plated Humvee and a gold-plated driver

Gold plate my grill – I’ll have golden saliva

 

Gonna get a fuckin map of the fuckin UK

Gonna put a fuckin’ sign on it – Property of Kate

And if any motherfucker decides to trespass

Gonna kill a fuckin swan and shove it up your fuckin ass

 

Disrespect Princess Kate and I’ll put you in the tower

You’ll get a beefeater beating when you bend over in the shower

I’ll light a blunt motherfucker and blow the smoke in your face

I’ll drink a case of fuckin 40s in a fuckin public place

 

I’ll pop a silver cap in your ass if you’re a fuckin werewolf

I’ll make you regret that you ever became a werewolf

I’ll put your bowl of werewolf food in the corner by the sink

And if you don’t like your werewolf food – suck my [unclear] you werewolf idiot.

 

So there you have it – an exciting glimpse into the thrilling, romantic mindset of a young lady in love.

She’s delighted by all of the princess-y trappings her marriage will bring – and why wouldn’t you be?

All the best Kate – your secret thoughts only make us love you more.

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